We are figuring each other out

So, I have been a mom for about 18 days.  When I put it like that, I realize it hasn't been very long at all...but it seems like he was born a year ago. Is that possible? I guess it is lack of sleep and trying to figure out what this little human being needs. It is amazing how you instantly fall in love with someone the minute they are placed in your lap. It is one of the most overwhelming, cool, and scariest experiences I've ever had. It is also one of the hardest things I've ever done. So for the past 18 days this is what I've learned.

1.  I can't imagine doing this by myself without David by my side. As I watch him with our son I fall in love with both of them a little more everyday. We are learning together this is a hard job...and it has already began to strengthen our marriage.

2. As I am a mom, I think I have learned to appreciate my mother more. I don't know what I would do without her. I have cried to her, laughed with her, called her in the middle of the night, and she has done nothing but listen with open arms...hug when she needs to and tell me to buck up it will be okay when she needs to. :) I've learned that even though I am a mom...I still need my mom!

3. I am a person that likes to have a plan and know what is happening next, and Mr. Fletcher is teaching me that sometimes plans don't work out and you figure things out as they come. God is teaching me so much through this little guy, and that is one of the biggest. You think you are not a selfish person, and then you have a baby and realize how YOU driven your life has been. I've done what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it...and now...everything is on hold for him. It is a sweet lesson and one that I think most parents go through...(if you haven't don't tell me because I will feel guilty. ) When I put him to bed at night I read over Jermiah 29:11 that hangs above his crib...and thank God that He has a plan and it is okay if I don't know what it is.

4. It hit me the other night that I will be this boys momma for the rest of my life. I know it sounds funny...but so many titles that have defined a big part of who I am will change. I may not always be an English teacher, volleyball coach, student, friends will change...Heck..I may not even be David's wife for the rest of my life. (Although, I'm very confidnet I will be...no worries) :) But...I will be Fletcher James mom for the rest of my life...nothing will change that. That is so humbling and overwhelming. Mom is a title you hold for life. Nothing is more rewarding and nothing scare me more. :)

So...18 days in and it seems like I've learned more lessons in these 18 days than I have my entire life. Let's see what the next 18 days will hold...I hope more sleep comes with it. :)

He's Here

Well...I started this blog in January to help me put my head around everything that is about to happen and change in our life...I thought that bed rest was going to do me in...so I had to get my thoughts down. Now Fletcher James has arrived healthy and strong. When I look back I can't help but thank God that he has given us a healthy baby boy. He arrived just a few weeks early instead of two months early. He really is a good baby. We are counting our blessings everyday.

With that said...this is one of the hardest things we have ever done. Not to say we don't absoultley love our little man and think he is perfect...but I don't think new parents have any idea about how much their life will change. I worry about how much he is eating and sleeping. I would love for more sleep at night..but when he sleeps longer I wonder if something is wrong. My body is not completley healed from the C-Section...so I tell myself all the time it will be easier when you are 100%. I'm sure it will be...but I know the worry will never stop.  It is this on going process that I guess will be continuing the rest of our life. :) God is teaching us so much about loving Him and trusting in His knowledge and will.  My sister painted a great verse we have hung above his crib....Jeremiah 29:11...I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

I almost feel that verse has become cliche because it is used so often, but when I read it in the light of raising our little guy...I'm so thankful that God knows...because I'm at a loss. I have no idea what the future holds, and that scares me to death. I love having things planned out and figured out ahead of time. But as I have spent a week and a half  with my son; I'm learning that I have nothing figured out and that can drive me insane. Until I think about Jeremiah 29:11. I don't have to know...I just have to trust. It is amazing how much a week old newborn can teach you...but he is blowing me away!!!

I'm so thankful for the support of my wonderful husband and family. I don't know where I would be without them. They have done little things...like vaccuming my house that have helped to keep me from going crazy. David and I look forward to the first time he smiles at us or can give us a hug back. I'm sure there is nothing better.

I think I'm a little paranoid...

Well...we made it to the 34 mark week...so if he comes....he comes. At this point I was able to go back to work and come off of bed rest. Fletcher James is still growing strong. He is very healthy. Just wearing his mom out. I've been back to work for a week. While I love being there, I do get pretty worn out. I'm so thankful that I work with such great people.

Every time I start feeling sorry for myself thinking about how much time I've already spent in the hospital, or how I don't have enough days left at work to make it a full maternity leave, or how bad I feel having these little or sometimes big contractions all day long. (The doctor said I will probably just have these until I deliver).  I am reminded how blessed I am daily. Our baby boy is still healthy, and may go full term. I am surrounded by so many people that have showered us with love, support, help and baby gifts. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself, but I should be praising God for the blessings in my life.

With that said there were several times today that I thought it was the delivery day. I think I'm becoming more paranoid with every minute. Maybe it's because I keep having contractions, or maybe it is because one of my friends delivered her baby at home this week. (Not on purpose by the way). So I'm becoming more paranoid the closer the due date gets. (March 29th)

The first sign I thought I had in the car. I was driving home and felt this rush of water running down my seat. I thought...wow this is it. My water just broke in the car...but then I thought this can't be enough. I look to my right and see that my water bottle has spilled pouring water all in my lap. I couldn't stop laughing. So false alarm #1 for today. THEN...I kept having these stupid contractions that wouldn't stop.

So...the contractions didn't stop today, and David took me in. They were all the tale-tale signs. But they sent me home dilated and effaced 70%.  The contractions slowed down....so there was no need for labor today. :) The contractions were not strong enough to send me to full term labor.  See...I'm paranoid. I will keep walking around this way until he actually comes. That is so crazy to me.

I may continue to be paranoid...but I will remember to not sweat the small stuff and keep counting my blessings. They greatly outweigh the misfortune. :)


Here are a few pics from our baby showers:

Looking Good

Well...things are looking good. Fletcher is still cooking and I'm the same. The doctor told me on Monday that I could start trying a little more around the house. So...I did some laundry and made some pancakes for dinner last night. :) I had to sit down pretty often, but it got done. I go back to the doctor on Monday (the 21st)  and if things are the same I may be able to go back to work on Tuesday. That will put us at the 34 week mark. He is still healthy and growing, so if he comes...he comes. :)I am a little nervous about going back to work, but I know I'll have tons of support. My students are going to be pretty surprised about how big my stomach has gotten over the last four weeks. I mean think about how traumatizing it could be for a freshmen boy if his teacher's water breaks in class. :) But...at least he may have a cool story to tell his friends. Let's pray no one has to experience that.

Thanks to the help of my mom, dad, sister, and brother in law...our crib is up, furniture is arranged somewhat, and the walls are painted. That is all we really need to bring him home, right? We can make it cute later. :) We will be working on it a little bit at a time. I still can't do much for very long so it may be a slow process. (or I'll just watch other people do it for me) Thanks to my grandmother, Aunt, and Uncle we have a pack and play and car seat if all else fails. :)

I'm getting more excited everyday to meet our little boy. David and I were talking the other night about some things we want to teach our son. After David got through his usual sarcasm and ridiculous statements. (If you know him at all you know what I'm talking about). He said if I could leave him with anything it would be that God is love and treat people like they are more important than you are. These are such simple things that I don't always do a good job of. I'm so thankful I have a husband that chooses to not only teach these things but try everyday to live these things. We fail...yes...but having this baby has made us more aware of our attitude about the simple and complicated things in life. We have great examples in our family to follow, and hopefully we can do the same thing for our little guy.

We will get to meet our son.

Well...We are a week closer to meeting our Fletcher James Hunt, and we still want him to just hang out a few more weeks. I've been overwhelmed by the help of my husband and family in this entire process. I mean I knew I had a great family, and that I married well. But, they have been such a blessing in taking me to appointments, making sure I don't go crazy, and keeping my stress level down. Probably because they know how much I stress about little things. :) I don't know what I would do without them right now.

Just to prove how great David has been, I have been keeping a picture diary of all the yummy food he has been cooking me. He likes to cook, so that helps, but check out these yummy dishes.

 This isn't even all of them. Just the pictures I have. :)

Miranda has been busy picking out stuff for our nursery. I'm so glad she has good taste. Even if I wasn't on bed rest...I probably wouldn't be much help. :) She is much better at that than I am.

I went to the doctor this afternoon and things are the same.  Still contracting, but I haven't dilated any more and that is a good thing. We are really going to reevaluate everything next week and see what she thinks I can do???? Maybe the same, but I hope not.

I've become very aware about how God is teaching me to be patient and not to want things in this world. I was so worried that our baby might not come home to a cute nursery or clean house, and all this time God was teaching me it doesn't matter. He may not have the perfect "facebook picture" worthy room by the time he gets here, but it doesn't matter. He has a place to sleep and lots of love.

I love what David told me the other night. He said when I was in the hospital and we really didn't know what was going to happen that he had this overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be okay. He told me it doesn't matter. He just wanted to meet his son. And when I stress out I remind myself of that. David is so right....it doesn't matter...I will get to meet my son. :) That's pretty cool.

Don't try to explain the important things...

" Nothing important is completely explicable." Madeline L'Engle A Circle of Quiet

I came across this quote as I was searching our bookshelf for something to read. If you have never read Madeline L'Engle, I encourage you to. She has a great series called The Crosswick Journals that are almost like segments from her personal journals at different times in her life. ( I think she would have blogged :) As she struggled through marriage, life, children, and faith her writing is honest and humorous. I was introduced to them by David, as I am most good books, and they have become a staple in our house. When I read this quote over and over I thought it was very applicable to my experience today.

As I said in my earlier post, I want answers for things, and if I don't have the answers I look for ways to find them. That is not always a bad character flaw. But, when dealing with "the big stuff" and especially faith in "the big stuff, answers are not always what we need. We need to find our dependence on others and the desire to be lead by faith and not by sight. I'm really learning about that and working through it. For example, I watched while my husband cleaned the entire house this morning, and it almost killed me. Not because he wasn't doing it right or I thought I could do it better, but HE was doing it while I watched. I needed him to do it, since every time I move my stomach tightens and contractions start, but I don't want him to have to do everything. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt already that he is doing so much, and I'm just sitting there watching....not critiquing. (I promise David ...okay maybe a little..you did dust the entire house with Clorox Green Works instead of dusting spray. :)  But it works, and that is what I realized. No matter what was being dusted with...it works and it is done. I'm really needing to depend on him for so many things right now, and he does everything without even showing a grimace of complaint. (at least to my face anyway).

The same is true with my faith. I want to know why this happened and what I can do to fix it. But...like Madeline L'Engle said, "Nothing important is completely explicable". This is one of those times in my life when I can't explain it away. There is no formula or equation for it to fit into. I need to learn to rely on others and God. Through this everything will work together for His good. So...here we go. I sit...I wait...I learn. I'm a teacher learning should be easy for me, right? Maybe I'm also learning how to be a good student. :)

I'm a blogger

So...I always thought I'll never blog. Nobody cares enough to read what is happening in my life or head. Then I was put on bed rest. I've gone a little crazy the past couple of weeks and thought...well people still probably don't care what is going on in my life or head, but I may need this little blog to get some things off my chest. I know a few people want to know...and it can be good medicine for me in the mean time. So instead of my journal...I will blog. :) Here we go:

I took a little tumble at my soccer tournament in Dallas on January 21. I was coaching or rather driving the bus and hauling girls around (not playing :) There were wonderful soccer moms who took great care of me and sat with me in the hospital while I was given medication to stop contractions I was having because of the fall. David came and picked me up and we headed home. I rested all weekend and felt a little funny, but I thought I was just sore from the fall. I really didn't do much at all. So school as normal on Monday, and then something was weird again. I called my doctor that morning and told her what I was feeling, and she met me at the hospital. They were calling it pre-term labor and started hooking me up to IVs almost immediately to stop contractions.  Everyone couldn't believe I drove myself to the hospital...I'm an idiot I know but I didn't know what was happening. I had no idea that my contractions were three minutes apart. I thought I was being a baby really. I got out on Thursday (Jan. 27) and was happy to be at home  rather than sitting in the hospital.

I've gone through several different emotions. I've been mad at myself, because I have overwhelming feelings that it is my fault. I've been relived and thankful that our baby boy has been healthy this entire time; he has just tried to come early. I've been angry with myself again. God and I even had it out in the hospital one night when I was confused and emotional all wrapped into one. In the midst of all this, I was reminded that it sucks...yes and it is okay to acknowledge that...but look at everything we have to be thankful for.

1. He is healthy
2. I have the most wonderful husband and family who have done so much for me.
3. I am surrounded by great friends and coworkers who have been praying for us and will help at the drop of the hat.
4. Did I mention our little boy is healthy.

There are people that are going through so much more than we are, and we should be grateful for what we have. If you know me...I'm a person that wants answers and solutions. If I don't have them I will figure out a way to get them. Well...this one may not be that easy. It is a waiting game, and I know God is going to teach me so much through this. Some things can't be explained, and I'm learning that is okay. It's not always my job to figure out the answers anyway.