We are figuring each other out

So, I have been a mom for about 18 days.  When I put it like that, I realize it hasn't been very long at all...but it seems like he was born a year ago. Is that possible? I guess it is lack of sleep and trying to figure out what this little human being needs. It is amazing how you instantly fall in love with someone the minute they are placed in your lap. It is one of the most overwhelming, cool, and scariest experiences I've ever had. It is also one of the hardest things I've ever done. So for the past 18 days this is what I've learned.

1.  I can't imagine doing this by myself without David by my side. As I watch him with our son I fall in love with both of them a little more everyday. We are learning together this is a hard job...and it has already began to strengthen our marriage.

2. As I am a mom, I think I have learned to appreciate my mother more. I don't know what I would do without her. I have cried to her, laughed with her, called her in the middle of the night, and she has done nothing but listen with open arms...hug when she needs to and tell me to buck up it will be okay when she needs to. :) I've learned that even though I am a mom...I still need my mom!

3. I am a person that likes to have a plan and know what is happening next, and Mr. Fletcher is teaching me that sometimes plans don't work out and you figure things out as they come. God is teaching me so much through this little guy, and that is one of the biggest. You think you are not a selfish person, and then you have a baby and realize how YOU driven your life has been. I've done what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it...and now...everything is on hold for him. It is a sweet lesson and one that I think most parents go through...(if you haven't don't tell me because I will feel guilty. ) When I put him to bed at night I read over Jermiah 29:11 that hangs above his crib...and thank God that He has a plan and it is okay if I don't know what it is.

4. It hit me the other night that I will be this boys momma for the rest of my life. I know it sounds funny...but so many titles that have defined a big part of who I am will change. I may not always be an English teacher, volleyball coach, student, friends will change...Heck..I may not even be David's wife for the rest of my life. (Although, I'm very confidnet I will be...no worries) :) But...I will be Fletcher James mom for the rest of my life...nothing will change that. That is so humbling and overwhelming. Mom is a title you hold for life. Nothing is more rewarding and nothing scare me more. :)

So...18 days in and it seems like I've learned more lessons in these 18 days than I have my entire life. Let's see what the next 18 days will hold...I hope more sleep comes with it. :)

He's Here

Well...I started this blog in January to help me put my head around everything that is about to happen and change in our life...I thought that bed rest was going to do me in...so I had to get my thoughts down. Now Fletcher James has arrived healthy and strong. When I look back I can't help but thank God that he has given us a healthy baby boy. He arrived just a few weeks early instead of two months early. He really is a good baby. We are counting our blessings everyday.

With that said...this is one of the hardest things we have ever done. Not to say we don't absoultley love our little man and think he is perfect...but I don't think new parents have any idea about how much their life will change. I worry about how much he is eating and sleeping. I would love for more sleep at night..but when he sleeps longer I wonder if something is wrong. My body is not completley healed from the C-Section...so I tell myself all the time it will be easier when you are 100%. I'm sure it will be...but I know the worry will never stop.  It is this on going process that I guess will be continuing the rest of our life. :) God is teaching us so much about loving Him and trusting in His knowledge and will.  My sister painted a great verse we have hung above his crib....Jeremiah 29:11...I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

I almost feel that verse has become cliche because it is used so often, but when I read it in the light of raising our little guy...I'm so thankful that God knows...because I'm at a loss. I have no idea what the future holds, and that scares me to death. I love having things planned out and figured out ahead of time. But as I have spent a week and a half  with my son; I'm learning that I have nothing figured out and that can drive me insane. Until I think about Jeremiah 29:11. I don't have to know...I just have to trust. It is amazing how much a week old newborn can teach you...but he is blowing me away!!!

I'm so thankful for the support of my wonderful husband and family. I don't know where I would be without them. They have done little things...like vaccuming my house that have helped to keep me from going crazy. David and I look forward to the first time he smiles at us or can give us a hug back. I'm sure there is nothing better.

I think I'm a little paranoid...

Well...we made it to the 34 mark week...so if he comes....he comes. At this point I was able to go back to work and come off of bed rest. Fletcher James is still growing strong. He is very healthy. Just wearing his mom out. I've been back to work for a week. While I love being there, I do get pretty worn out. I'm so thankful that I work with such great people.

Every time I start feeling sorry for myself thinking about how much time I've already spent in the hospital, or how I don't have enough days left at work to make it a full maternity leave, or how bad I feel having these little or sometimes big contractions all day long. (The doctor said I will probably just have these until I deliver).  I am reminded how blessed I am daily. Our baby boy is still healthy, and may go full term. I am surrounded by so many people that have showered us with love, support, help and baby gifts. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself, but I should be praising God for the blessings in my life.

With that said there were several times today that I thought it was the delivery day. I think I'm becoming more paranoid with every minute. Maybe it's because I keep having contractions, or maybe it is because one of my friends delivered her baby at home this week. (Not on purpose by the way). So I'm becoming more paranoid the closer the due date gets. (March 29th)

The first sign I thought I had in the car. I was driving home and felt this rush of water running down my seat. I thought...wow this is it. My water just broke in the car...but then I thought this can't be enough. I look to my right and see that my water bottle has spilled pouring water all in my lap. I couldn't stop laughing. So false alarm #1 for today. THEN...I kept having these stupid contractions that wouldn't stop.

So...the contractions didn't stop today, and David took me in. They were all the tale-tale signs. But they sent me home dilated and effaced 70%.  The contractions slowed down....so there was no need for labor today. :) The contractions were not strong enough to send me to full term labor.  See...I'm paranoid. I will keep walking around this way until he actually comes. That is so crazy to me.

I may continue to be paranoid...but I will remember to not sweat the small stuff and keep counting my blessings. They greatly outweigh the misfortune. :)


Here are a few pics from our baby showers: